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OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels!

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1OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Tue Aug 31, 2010 5:23 pm

[GA]rink245

[GA]rink245
Game Ambassador
Game Ambassador


OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! 003

Now that I have your attention, I regret to inform you this topic has nothing to do with cheese covered Pretzels. This is a joke thread so let's get some jokes rolling. Post any funny jokes here.

Rules:
1. No flaming, no bashing, etc.
2. Post warnings on jokes that maybe racist, sexist, x-ist (insert anything in x). However if they get too bad, I'll request it to be removed.
3. Have fun and make me laugh.


3 men walk into a bar, the 4th one ducks.

Good Catholic Humor
One day an atheist is walking through the woods, admiring the accidents of creation. He looked at the trees, listened to the murmur of bubbling creak near by. Every now and then he would hear a forest animal chatter, cross his path, then run up out of sight in some nearby tree. As he was walking, he suddenly noticed everything was quiet. Then behind him, this massive grizzly bear jumps out of the bushes behind him. This grizzly is massive. Standing on it's rear legs, it towered over 8 feet above the forest floor. Letting out a blood curling roar, the bear starts to charge the man. Terrified, the man turns and runs as fast as possible from the monster. After a few minutes, he turns around and sees that the bear was growing closer. The man's heart started pounding faster and faster as he ran from the bear. Not watching where he was going, the man's foot snagged on a tree root and he fell to the forest floor. Turning back to the bear, he sees that the bear had gotten on its back legs again and raised its paw to strike. At that moment the man cries out, "OH MY GOD!" Suddenly, time stops and a light shows down on the man. A voice in the light says, "All these years you have denied my existence, why should I help you now?" Realizing what was going the man replied, "Yes, I know that going back on what I have believed in all these past years would make me a hypocrite. But if you could do one thing, can you make the bear a Catholic?" Silence. Then the voice said, "Very Well," and time flowed again. The man looked up at the bear. Slowly the bear lowered its paw, and brought its other paw up and clasps them together, bows its head and says, "Bless us, Oh Lord, for these are your gifts. . ."

2OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Tue Aug 31, 2010 5:37 pm

regix

regix
Tipsy is my idol
Tipsy is my idol
can i tell the blow up doll joke x) or no papa D jokes


-Semi-Racist-

anyways Papa D jokes (80 year old priest i think very very dry humor told me this)

One day this man goes into an adult store and wanted to buy a blow up doll. So the guy asks the clerk.
Clerk replies,"Ok Male or Female?"
Guy: "Female"
Clerk asks,"White or Black?"
Guy: White
Clerk asks, "Catholic or Muslim?"
Guy: " What the hell does religion have to do with this!?"
Clerk: "Well Muslim dolls blow themselves up"

3OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Tue Aug 31, 2010 6:52 pm

M35H

M35H
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
3 migits are are going for world records and they show up at Gueniss Book of World Records to see if they are # 1

migit one walks in and says, I have worlds smallest hands.
---->Gueniss replies, Yes you do, you have a world Record.

Migit two walks in and says, I have worlds smallest Feet
---->Gueniss replies, yes you do, you have a world Record.

Migit three walks in and say, I have worlds smallest Weiner
----->Gueniss busts out there small measuring tape and says
----->Sorry sir, but you are second
Migit replies, well, if I'm second, whos first?
----->Gueniss replies and migit interupts:


Photobucket

4OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Tue Aug 31, 2010 7:51 pm

[GA]rink245

[GA]rink245
Game Ambassador
Game Ambassador
hehehe xD. I love that joke

5OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Wed Sep 01, 2010 2:53 pm

regix

regix
Tipsy is my idol
Tipsy is my idol
this is a that's what she said joke


ok so yesterday (31 august 2010) i was putting my stuff into the trunk of the car and i was trying to find a spot to put my World Studies book and laptop to go in and then my friend says," Just stick it in, it doesn't matter where it goes" and i replied,"that's what she said"...

6OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty considered a dirty joke... be warned! on Thu Sep 09, 2010 6:42 pm

UberGoober

UberGoober
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
This Joke can be considered dirty... so be warned...

One day on a beautiful lake, there's a fly.
He's just offshore, flying about a foot above the water.
Below the fly is a trout!
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, I can have something good to eat!"
So the trout is watching the fly, doing his little fly thing.

Just onshore, in the brush, there's a bear!
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, the trout will go for the fly, and I can have something good to eat!"
So the bear is watching the trout, watching the fly, doing his little fly thing.

Two Hundred Meters back, in a tree stand is a hunter, munching on a PB&J sandwich.
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, the trout will go for the fly, and that bear will go for that trout, and I can have something good to eat! Instead of this damned sandwich!"
So, the hunter is watching the bear, watching the trout, watching the fly, doing his little fly thing.

Underneath this hunter, there's a mouse in his hole.
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, the trout will go for the fly, and that bear will go for the trout, and the hunter will drop his sandwich to shoot that bear, and I'll have something good to eat!"
So the mouse is watching the hunter, watching the bear, watching the trout, watching the fly... doing his little fly thing.

WAAAAY back on the hill, is a cat!
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, that trout will go for the fly, that bear will go for the trout, the hunter will drop his sandwich to shoot the bear, and the mouse will come out of his hole... so I can have something good to eat for dinner tonight!"

So...
The cat is watching the mouse, watching the hunter, watching the bear, watching the trout, watching the fly... still about a foot above the water, doing his little fly thing.

Lo-and-behold!
Down drops the fly!
Up swims the trout!
Out comes the bear!
Hunter drops his sandwich and raises his gun!
Mouse comes out of his hole to get the sandwich!
Cat comes barreling down the hill!
He's running...
running...
running...
...
...
...
...
He trips and falls in the lake!

Now, what's the moral of the story?
(click the spoiler to find out)

Spoiler:
When the fly drops 6 inches, the pussy gets wet.

http://www.WPTAPL.com

7OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Thu Sep 09, 2010 7:17 pm

[GM]Tipsy

[GM]Tipsy
Admin
Admin
epicness for you goober. made me lol


_______________________________________________________________
Regards,
Battle for DWater Team
OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Tipsy
siggi by Faith Very Happy
http://battle-for-dwater.net16.net/

8OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Thu Sep 09, 2010 7:52 pm

regix

regix
Tipsy is my idol
Tipsy is my idol
goober that is amazing xD

9OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Thu Sep 09, 2010 11:04 pm

UberGoober

UberGoober
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
/win?

lol.

Now, try memorizing that joke and tell it at the next social gathering with your friends. Especially while drinking.

You'll have party fouls and people dying on the floor.

http://www.WPTAPL.com

10OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Sep 10, 2010 8:14 pm

[GA]rink245

[GA]rink245
Game Ambassador
Game Ambassador
What is Mario and Luigi's favorite clothing material?

Denim, denim, denim

11OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Thu Oct 21, 2010 5:33 pm

[GA]rink245

[GA]rink245
Game Ambassador
Game Ambassador
Time to revive this D:<

Q. What did Jesus say when he died?
A. Re-spawning in, 3, 2, 1

12OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Thu Oct 21, 2010 6:20 pm

SurfinBird

SurfinBird
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.

"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."

Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.

"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies

"Fu*k me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"

13OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:12 pm

wyvern

wyvern
Forum Junkie
Forum Junkie
how many midgets does it take to screw in a light bulb?

no idea itd be funny as hell tho.

no? fair doos made me chukkle lol


_______________________________________________________________
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14OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:43 pm

lordpaxton2


I can Talk
I can Talk
lol good jokes i have one but i dont think it is appropriet

15OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Thu Oct 21, 2010 9:53 pm

regix

regix
Tipsy is my idol
Tipsy is my idol
you can still post it just say what it's in appropriate for and who it MIGHT offend a few lines above the actual joke so those who are offended won't read it

16OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:40 am

TOOTIE

TOOTIE
here's my two cents
here's my two cents
hey pax just saying watch what lines it is you cross (mainly religion and race) we don't need a forum war over a joke. outside that don't think you'll have too many worries about anything



Last edited by [GA]TOOTIE on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:41 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : beacuse i cant type today)

17OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:00 pm

UberGoober

UberGoober
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
Feel free to tell any type of jokes, just put a spoiler tag in your post so that you can have it censored for those who wish to skip it. Very Happy Check out my post on the first page to see more like you can/should do Smile

Here's one:
A man is walking down a beach when he stumbles upon an odd looking object.
He can't quite read the writing, so he tries to wipe off the seaweed and grime and *POOF* out pops a genie!
Man: Woah!
Genie: Yes, yes, I'm a genie, but before I give you three wishes you must FIRST tell me something about yourself. Who is the person you hate most in this world?
Man: Well, odd question, but that would be my ex-wife, Janice.
Genie: Ok, I'm a cursed genie. I give you any three wishes you want, but the person you hate most gets double.
Man: Fair enough. I wish for a million dollars!
*The genie poofs it into existance*
Genie: Done! But she gets double!
*Man's phone rings, hears his ex-wife: "You dumb S.O.B. I'm glad you left, I just inherited 2 million dollars!" Hangs up.*
Man: I wish for a mansion!
*Poof!*
*MAn's phone rings, ex-wife again: "Ha! I just inherited 2 mansions too!" Hangs up.*
*Man starts pacing up and down the beach with the genie following him*
*Man picks up a HUGE seashell*
Man: Genie, for the third wish, I wish you would beat me half to death with this seashell!

http://www.WPTAPL.com

18OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:07 pm

UberGoober

UberGoober
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"




Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. " So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.
"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."
So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"


A man sat down at a bar and told the bartender, "I bet you three hundred dollars that I can piss into the cup all the way over there on the other side of the bar and not miss a single drop."
The bartender said, "There is no way you can do that. Sure, I'll bet you three hundred dollars."
The man then begins to undo his pants and begins pissing. He starts pissing all over the bar, spraying on the bottles and the bartender, not making a single drop in the cup.
The bartender starts smiling and laughing and says, "That's it, you owe me three hundred dollars."
The man then gets up and walks over to the pool table and starts laughing and shaking hands with the men standing there. He walks back to bar, sits down and starts laughing at the bartender and hands him the money.
The bartender asks, "Why are you laughing? You just lost the bet."
The man said, "I'm laughing because I bet those guys over there one thousand dollars that I could piss all over you and your bar and you would still be laughing when I was done."

A cowboy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies,"I just got this state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it.."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What"s so special about it?"
The cowboy explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What"s it telling you now?"
Well, it says you"re not wearing any panties."
The woman giggles and replies "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
The cowboy smiles, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing"s an hour fast."

http://www.WPTAPL.com

19OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:20 pm

UberGoober

UberGoober
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
Just found this little gem:


Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"




DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher.. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for ill*gally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay , but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull......
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge... Show him your badge!!"



John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. he looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding. Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says:
"Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...."
John inscribes the words in his heart.
At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.
'And, she asks with tearful eyes,"was it that he loved me? "
"I do not know," said the man, "but it sounded like Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...."
The widow screams and faints.
"What?" John ask startled to the daughter, "what did he say, what does that mean?" And the crying daughter says:
"You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git."




A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business!"




Five Important Qualities

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.

http://www.WPTAPL.com

20OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:32 pm

UberGoober

UberGoober
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
A man, who smelled like a distillery, flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and
began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled man turned to the priest and said, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading that the Pope does."




When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.



A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."
"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

http://www.WPTAPL.com

21OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 1:59 pm

UberGoober

UberGoober
Am i making any sense??
Am i making any sense??
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, "For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one."
The man thought for a minute and said, "I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."
The genie thought for a minute and said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask."
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, "Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?"
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?"




Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."




What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?
In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.



Last edited by [GA]UberGoober on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:06 pm; edited 1 time in total

http://www.WPTAPL.com

22OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:05 pm

RahhBoogey

RahhBoogey
here's my two cents
here's my two cents
[GA]UberGoober wrote:This Joke can be considered dirty... so be warned...

One day on a beautiful lake, there's a fly.
He's just offshore, flying about a foot above the water.
Below the fly is a trout!
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, I can have something good to eat!"
So the trout is watching the fly, doing his little fly thing.

Just onshore, in the brush, there's a bear!
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, the trout will go for the fly, and I can have something good to eat!"
So the bear is watching the trout, watching the fly, doing his little fly thing.

Two Hundred Meters back, in a tree stand is a hunter, munching on a PB&J sandwich.
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, the trout will go for the fly, and that bear will go for that trout, and I can have something good to eat! Instead of this damned sandwich!"
So, the hunter is watching the bear, watching the trout, watching the fly, doing his little fly thing.

Underneath this hunter, there's a mouse in his hole.
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, the trout will go for the fly, and that bear will go for the trout, and the hunter will drop his sandwich to shoot that bear, and I'll have something good to eat!"
So the mouse is watching the hunter, watching the bear, watching the trout, watching the fly... doing his little fly thing.

WAAAAY back on the hill, is a cat!
He's watching the fly, thinking: "Man, if that fly comes down just a little bit, that trout will go for the fly, that bear will go for the trout, the hunter will drop his sandwich to shoot the bear, and the mouse will come out of his hole... so I can have something good to eat for dinner tonight!"

So...
The cat is watching the mouse, watching the hunter, watching the bear, watching the trout, watching the fly... still about a foot above the water, doing his little fly thing.

Lo-and-behold!
Down drops the fly!
Up swims the trout!
Out comes the bear!
Hunter drops his sandwich and raises his gun!
Mouse comes out of his hole to get the sandwich!
Cat comes barreling down the hill!
He's running...
running...
running...
...
...
...
...
He trips and falls in the lake!

Now, what's the moral of the story?
(click the spoiler to find out)

Spoiler:
When the fly drops 6 inches, the pussy gets wet.

lol goober i know that one hahaha but i tell it a different way ^_^ that cracks everyone one up

23OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:14 pm

RahhBoogey

RahhBoogey
here's my two cents
here's my two cents
A newly wed couple went to do the food shopping one day on very little money due to the honeymoon they had the week before
They walking down the isle and the man took off to find a case of beer
The woman looked at her husband in disgust and said "What the hell are you doing you know we haven't got that much money put it back"
The man groaned and put the beer back on the shelf
A few minutes later the female looked at beauty products and the guy looked at his wife with disgust and replied
"What the hell are you doing you know we dont have that much money put it back" the woman replied "i need to look beautiful for you my dear" the man replies back "WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK THE BEER WAS FOR!"

24OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:19 pm

RahhBoogey

RahhBoogey
here's my two cents
here's my two cents
Theres a nun in the shower one day when her door bell rang... she yelled out "Who is it"
The person at the door replies "its the blind man"
So the nun thought to her self, well if it's a blind man i might as well answer the door naked
So the nun hoped out the shower walked down stairs and opens the door to greet the blind man
The man looked at the nun and cleared his throat and said "im the blind man... i have come here to fix your blinds"

25OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! Empty Re: OMG Cheese Covered Pretzels! on Fri Oct 22, 2010 2:24 pm

RahhBoogey

RahhBoogey
here's my two cents
here's my two cents
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of
an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of
the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she
thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then
the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it
was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they
landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little
girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl,
why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came
down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy
who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy,
why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came
down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on
the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "why are you
laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the
building behind me blew up!!"

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